Tuesday, May 30, 2006

On Spork and Art

You all have probably seen the website of Asvajit, Spork's official artist. He's just asked me to pick any pictures that I want to illustrate our noble cause; I can't seem to decide for myself just yet, but I wouldn't mind your suggestions. Please visit his site and post suggestions here.

  • The Buddhist priest political party in Sri Lanka (I know, I know) used children (including child Buddhist priests) in an anti-terrorist demonstration. The party (known as the JHU) also expressed concern on allowing tuition classes for children on Sundays, worried that it will obstruct them from attending denominational education institutions (i.e.: Sunday School).
  • The Vatican expresses its concern over China's independence in appointing its own Bishops as without consulting the Pope; they call it "an issue undermining religious freedom".


Friday, May 26, 2006

The Sporkist View of the Da Vinci Code

I'm sure you've all been aware of the ridiculous and unnecessary controversy about the film 'The Da Vinci Code'. This is the Sporkist perspective.

a) Many of the assumptions made in the book have been proven false by a few documentaries; poor Dan Brown kept stressing throughout that it was a work of fiction anyway.
b) If your faith is strong, surely a work of fiction is not going to make you change your mind?
c) If you are an angry, outraged, righteous Catholic who wants it banned, why didn't you push for banning the book as well, since that's a fictional piece 'offending' your religion?
d) There's even a video game released for the Da Vinci Code, stressing the fact that this is all fiction.

So, if you are a sensible Sporkist, you're probably asking yourself: "Gosh, why bother if it's fiction and the theory of Jesus not being crucified and surviving to father a line of French Kings has been proven false... Why the hell are these Catholics losing it?"

Because [Drumroll]...
They have nothing better to do! And if they let these 'outrageous' things slip by them that easily, they'll look like they don't care. Which they should, since faith should be determined by the individual. But if it looks like they don't care, that means people won't be afraid of their amazing power.

Wow. What a bunch of bored fogeys, honestly.

Catholics all over the world are flipping out, and it's hilarious. Indian Catholics have threatened to fast unto death if the film is not banned. (But isn't suicide a Catholic sin?) I heard that in Sri Lanka, with a population that is only something like 5% Catholic, the film is banned there too. It's quite surprising that conservative Malaysia let it pass. The Catholic Association there said they recognised the fact that Catholics should decide for themselves if they want to watch the film or not.

What next? "Buddha Blasphemy"? "Krishna's Krime"? Or, "Allah's Secret"?

Grow up!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Attention, please

I've just stumbled across this...


Go watch it, right now.


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Another dead Sporkist: Remembering Bill Hicks

The late Bill Hicks (December 16th, 1961 - February 26, 1994) was an American stand-up comedian, satirist and social critic. He described his own work as "Chomsky with dick jokes". If you haven't seen any of his performances, I urge you to go out and rent them out, or buy them. He was very much against manipulative governments - particularly the American government - and also against organised religion. Unfotunately, he died of pancreatic cancer at the peak of his career. Here are some of my favourite quotes of his:

  • How dare you have a wino tell me not to use drugs?
  • You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: 'Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.' How do you know that? 'Uh, well ... we looked at the receipts.' [Does this sound familiar? - Prophet]
  • Fundamentalist Christianity. Fascinating. These people actually believe the world is 12 thousand years old. Swear to God! Based on what? I asked them. 'Well, we looked at all the people in the Bible, and we added them up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages – 12 thousand years.' Well, how fucking scientific! Okay. I didn't know that you'd gone to so much trouble there. That's good.
  • You ever notice how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved?
  • A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross? Kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on, you know.
  • They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well ... you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
  • Not all drugs are good. Some ... are great.
  • They (Australians) celebrate Easter the exact same way we do: commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now, I wonder why we’re fucked up as a race. Anybody got any idea? You know, I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the word bunny or chocolate anywhere in the fucking book. Where do they come up with this shit? Why not goldfish left Lincoln logs in your sock drawer? As long as you’re making shit up - you know - go hog-wild. At least the goldfish with a Lincoln log on its back going across your carpet has some miraculous connotations: 'Mum, today I found a Lincoln log in my sock drawer.' 'That’s the story of Jesus'.
  • Christianity has a built-in defense system: Anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism, and the only way to get by it – and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist – is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field and just go, 'Show me.'

And then, the absolute best...

  • The world is like a ride at an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, 'Hey – don't worry, don't be afraid ever, because this is just a ride ...' And we ... kill those people. Ha ha, 'Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because – it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

On Bertie

Bertrand Russel was a British philosopher who worked mostly in the 20th Century. I would advise all you Sporkists to go out and read just any of his books, because it will simply do you good, just to even read a few chapters and see what his mode of thought is.

He was an average guy, and wrote a whole bunch of books relating philosophy to modern-day events, like theology and politics. Here are some of the things he said:
  • I am as firmly convinced that religions do harm as I am that they are untrue.
  • After ages during which the earth produced harmless trilobites and butterflies, evolution progressed to the point at which it generated Neros, Genghis Khans, and Hitlers. This, however, is a passing nightmare; in time the earth will become again incapable of supporting life, and peace will return.
  • Every man would like to be God, if it were possible; some few find it difficult to admit the impossibility.
  • Joy of life... depends upon a certain spontaneity in regard to sex. Where sex is repressed, only work remains, and a gospel of work for work's sake never produced any work worth doing.
  • Anything you're good at contributes to happiness.
  • Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
  • Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.
  • One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid starvation and keep out of prison, but anything beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny.
  • Patriots always talk of dying for their country, and never of killing for their country.
  • Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence; it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines.
  • War does not determine who is right — only who is left.

This Movement hereby honours Bertrand Russel as a Sporkist. Rest in Peace, Bertie.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


Thanks for some of you arguing out the commandments. It's still open for arguments, so feel free to list anything there.

I hope you've all been trying to apply these ideas in real life. List any reactions or problems you came across here.

Friday, May 05, 2006

The New Commandments

The time has [finally] come, brethren.

After a vicious period of examining human history and human nature, I have finally come up with a new draft of the commandments. They are as follows:

1. Keep thy faith to thyself
2. There is no Lord to blasphemise
3. You are nothing by definition, except a human being
4. Help the Heathen Scum realise the error of their ways. If they don't co-operate, leave them to realise it themselves
5. Spread the love, albeit in a decent manner
6. Always be willing to break the rules
7. Covet appropriately. In fact, covet all you want. What good will it do you? What are your chances, realistically speaking?

One of the benefits of this religion/philosophy that I outlined earlier was that it essence is still open to change and discussion. This means that you can actually put your suggestions up here to modify or oppose the above seven. If your argument is convincing enough, I shall definitely alter the commandments. I am looking forward to your feedback.

The next step in cementing Spork's existence is to actually go out there and do this. Take it to work, school, and your house. Argue with fundamentalists. Encourage those who wish to progress in a modern manner. Introduce Spork to the people in your lives. Give them this link. This is the first step in creating Spork-societies.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go for it! And report back reactions.

Keep Sporking.