Sunday, April 23, 2006

What Spork offers that other Religions don't




  1. The fact that this religion is merely a month old, and that it has a significant lack of history means that we have no grudges, no unfortunate histories of crusades and jihads. We are friendly to all.
  2. This religion is not based on the thoughts of a group of people who died years and years ago. It is based on the thoughts of people who you can actually interact with and ask questions, rather than being told by 'representatives' who may modify the original thought to serve political and financial means (e.g.- God needs twenty dollars from you today.) We are against the organisations, the church, and not your God.
  3. This religion does not and will not question your faith. You can believe in anything you want to. We recognise that your faith is a private thing, and that a relationship with God can only be controlled by you and you only, without the interference of a third party. You don't even have to believe in the all-mighty Beefpie God. Freedom of Faith, Freedom from Religion.
  4. This religion is not outdated like all the others. Whereas most of the mainstream organised religions were established to formulate a means of control on society, they prevail today for a range of different reasons - politics, unflinching refusals to turn to reason, and the ever-tampering spectre of tradition.
  5. We can openly say that you won't see any miracles here. We are quite down-to-earth. I mean, when was the last time you saw a miracle performed by a 'representative' of God? The last miracle I saw was that a Pastor's name at a collaborator's local church was 'Delicious'. No, really.
  6. There is no spooky language designed to scare you here. No 'limbo' for people who were good all their lives and yet didn't believe in God, making them heathens. No 'sabbath' (sabbath day is everyday here!). No fatwa. No jihad.
  7. Our notional 'shepherd' is more inviting and attractive than those of other faiths. I mean, you'd have to agree that a Beefpie looks way better than Pope Ratzinger's face. (See above right.)

More coming soon. Stay tuned.

3 Comments:

Blogger ASH Smyth said...

Speaking of preachers with stupid names, I was invited to a discussion on the US-India Nuclear Pact... led by a Professor Harsh Pant.

Gags.

3:51 am  
Blogger ASH Smyth said...

P.S. Is that like a hair shirt?

3:52 am  
Blogger Prophet said...

Harsh Pant(s) sounds like one of those things that Sadomasochists are into, for increased pain and dicomfort.

3:31 pm  

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