Sunday, April 16, 2006

The Beefpie God and the Ten Commandments of Spork

The Beefpie God

Spork, unlike most mainstream religions, does not have a God that has willingly given us any directives.

Who, you ask, is the afore mentioned Beefpie God?

Shortly after the Three Prophets of Spork conversed and visualized the answer to humanity's plight, it became apparent that some sort of spiritual and supernatural force was trying to make its acknowledgement of our religion - in the form of Beefpies.

Everytime any of the Prophets look at a Beefpie, we receive a kind of subliminal mental message, often as a series of images or thoughts, as if they are echoes of some cosmic voice. I myself have seen visions of a green, lush, wholesome earth, with no wars or disease, with people relaxing in meadows, watching the sun rise. All this while staring at the Beefpie.

Perhaps you should start listening to beefpies. Maybe this strange cosmic force is trying to tell us something. Maybe it's acknowledging its support for us.

The Ten Commandments of Spork

1. The Beefpie God is the only God that is thy Lord.

2. Thou may take this Lord's name in vain all you like, nothing's going to happen.

3. Make EVERYDAY Sabbath day.

4. Honour no one except those who truly deserve it.

5. Thou shalt wage a war against the Heathen Scum.

6. Thou shalt spreadeth the loveth.

7. Thou shalt steal from he Heathen Scum in order to defeat them.

8. Bear false witness against all Heathen Scum, and whenever else necessary. Undermine the legal system.

9. Covet all the wives you like. What are your chances, realistically speaking?

10. Inspect thy neighbour's property. Judge how unnecessary it is, and then make anarchist purchases to destroy him.

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