Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Prophet Has Left the Building

Greetings, Sporklings.

I apologise for the lack of posts during the past month. I have been undergoing heavy meditation alongside freshly baked beefpies in order to make more connections with His Tastiness, and it has been resolved that I am to leave this realm in order to converse and be with the Beefpie God.

I do not know how long I shall be gone for, but I will return some day in order to push us further into evolution and salvation.

Keep Sporking. You've done a wonderful job so far. I will be watching all of you.

Goodbye, for now.

Monday, September 04, 2006

On a Weird kind of Church, Weirder than usual

The Westboro Baptist Church is a very interesting kind of Church. While we have the hypocritical Catholic Church, to whom we dedicated a few posts on, the Westboro Baptist Church deserves special mention. Just thank the Beefpie there are very few members of this organisation.

It can be best described, other than a Pit of Hate, as a far right-wing (and I do mean far) organisation whose members identify themselves as Baptists, and whose philosophy runs around the idea that "God hates fags", and that every tragedy in the world is linked to homosexuality. The believe that homosexuality should be made illegal, even punishable by death. They recently appeared in the news after protesting outside the funeral of a gay soldier who was killed in Iraq.

"Our goal is to preach the Word of God to this crooked and perverse generation. By our words, some will repent. By our words, some will be condemned. Whether they hear, or whether they forbear, they will know a prophet has been among them... our goal is to glorify God by declaring His whole counsel to everyone... we hope that by our preaching some will be saved." - Fred Phelps Sr., Head of Westboro Baptist Church

Fair enough, by any fundamentalist church's quirky standards, anyway. But behold:

"We use the word 'fag' as a contraction of the word 'faggot.' A 'fag' is a firebrand. A 'fag' is used for kindling -- it fuels fire. 'Fag' is a metaphor used in the Bible, for example, in Amos 4:11 (where it is translated 'firebrand' in the King James Bible). Just as a 'fag' fuels the fires of nature, so does a sodomite fuel the fires of God's wrath. We do not use the word 'fag' in order to engage in childish name-calling. Rather, we use it because it is a metaphor chosen by the Holy Ghost to describe a group of people who BURN in their lust one toward another, and who FUEL God's wrath."

Yeah, these guys are serious. Their theology is quite amusing, nevertheless alarming at the same time. There are quite a few points, so I've picked out the cream of the crop for you:
  • Homosexuality is the worst of all sins and indicative of the final reprobation of an individual, and its acceptance by society prompts divine judgement. The homosexual is a reprobate given up by God and hence cannot be a member of God's elect, and cannot repent or be saved.
  • God has absolute omnipotence to cause or prevent tragedy. As such, when disasters occur, such as the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster or the September 11, 2001 attacks, it is God's intentional punishment of the wicked.
  • The elect [members, I presume], being the chosen agents of God, answer only to God and are above the laws of man which do not have basis in God's law.
  • It is a sin not to rejoice when other people are victims of tragedy, violence or suffering.
  • Westboro's congregants will testify against the sins of others and thereby be instrumental in having them cast into Hell.

More impressive is their list of groups they have sworn to hate:

  • Canada - because of Canada's passage of the controversial Bill C-250, which adds penalties to the Criminal Code of Canada for inciting the hatred of or encouraging the killing of people on the basis of sexual orientation.
  • America - that the United States is a decadent and morally bankrupt nation, and as such, is hated by God. (After Hurrican Katrina, an introductory page was set up on their website, asking all to "Pray for more dead bodies floating on the fag-semen-rancid waters of New Orleans.")
  • N Sync member Lance Bass - For coming out of the closet.
  • Soldiers in Iraq - "Praise the Lord for 2,010 Dead Soldiers in Iraq" and "We humbly pray to God to please kill many more". They were in fact supportive of Saddam's regime, as they thought it was the only Muslim country where Christianity could be openly practised in the streets.
  • Islam - After the allegations of soldiers flushing Korans down the toilets at detention centres in Iraq, Fred Phelps said: "So what if our guys flushed copies of the Koran down the toilet? We hope they did. They probably did; We hope they flush more. Mohammed was a demon-possessed whoremonger and pedophile who contrived a 300-page work of Satanic fiction: The Koran! Like America's own whoremonger and pedophile wangled his own hokey Book of Mormon!"
  • Jews (Surprise, surprise): Fred Phelps again infamously proclaimed - "Whatever righteous cause the Jewish victims of the 1930s-40s Nazi Holocaust had... has been drowned in sodomite semen. American taxpayers are financing this unholy monument to Jewish mendacity and greed and to filthy fag lust. Homosexuals and Jews dominated Nazi Germany...The Jews now wander the earth despised, smitten with moral and spiritual blindness by a divine judicial stroke...And god has smitten Jews with a certain unique madness...Jews, thus perverted, out of all proportion to their numbers energize the militant sodomite agenda...Jews are the real Nazis."
  • Catholics - Yeah, they even hate Catholics. They refer to the Roman Catholic Church as a "fag" church, believing that a third of Catholic priests are active homosexuals, seducing helpless children and women; Westboro refers to priests as "vampires" and "Draculas," and talks of Catholic priests sucking semen out of children's genitals like vampires suck blood from their victims.
  • Mormons - Nothing interesting about the Mormons. Maybe that's to come.

I can sincerely tell you all that I have never seen a hate group such as this. These fellows could make a hardcore KKK member blush. I think the Westboro Baptist Church is a sign of how truly degraded the human race has allowed itself to become; their prejudice is something perhaps Hitler would have attempted to achieve in his 1,000-year Reich. These 'people' carry out the Nazi ideology for our times.

What do you think?

Monday, August 28, 2006

On God and Government, again

You'd have thought that after Dubbya's flirtation with God and government, and its disastrous consequences, that he would have toned it down, at least slightly; which he did, with the slogans, anyway. Still, that doesn't mean that others have to.

A great source of amusement for the Sporkist can be found in this woman's philosophy. US Rep. candidate for Senate (Florida) Katherine Harris sincerely believes that if Christians are not elected to office, politicians shall legislate 'sin'. Wow. Staggering stuff, really. Have a munch at some of her more priceless gems:

  • "If we are the ones not actively involved in electing those godly men and women and if people aren’t involved in helping godly men in getting elected than we’re going to have a nation of secular laws. That’s not what our founding fathers intended and that’s certainly isn’t what God intended."
  • "Civil rights have to do with individual rights and I don’t think they apply to the gay issues."
  • "[W]henever we legislate sin and say abortion is permissible and we say gay unions are permissible, then average citizens who are not Christians, because they don’t know better, we are leading them astray and it’s wrong…"
  • "You know we’re covered with, our sins are covered with His blood and so we are blameless before Him. We are as white as snow." [In response to allegations of cheating in previous elections.]

I can't even gather up the strength to comment on this horrible mess of a human being. But, perhaps you can.


Saturday, August 19, 2006

On Irony

Sri Lanka has been popping up in the news recently, as fighting between the terrorist group (the LTTE) and the military. A peace rally was held in the capital of the country, with various religious and political groups represented. They marched around in the city, and then met in a city park, to have further speeches.

We see irony, to our great amusement and frustration, almost daily in the political/religious scene. But what ensued here needs special attention, in order to help you sleep better at night. Or not.

A few 'radical' Buddhist priests marched onstage, with pro-war banners, calling the rally a farce, demanding the annhiliation of the terrorists. This is ironic, not just because they are Buddhist priests, but because they call themselves 'hardliners' and 'radicals'. If you were a radical Buddhist, you really wouldn't be doing much interaction with the political sphere of the world. Wouldn't you instead be zoning out on peace in the realm of spiritual dimensions? I don't know.

The irony skyrocketed when the peace rally-goers responded by beating the priests off the stage, punching and kicking, even pulling their robes off. There was one scene on television where one of them kept swinging an umbrella down on some guy, not a priest. Philosophically speaking, it was carnage. All the footage lasted ten minutes long.

Juicy, juicy, juicy.

Friday, August 04, 2006


The prophet is currently on hiatus, as he has left his country of residence for a short period of time. He wishes all Sporkists, however, to continue spreading the word in his absence.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Israel Conflict

I suppose all of you have been hearing about the severe bombings with Israel and Lebanon. It's hard to keep a Sporkist objective perspective on it - naturally your country should retaliate once it is attacked. Yet who really struck first? Why? These things tend to be overlooked during all the excitement.

However, I did more or less a very objective way of looking at it, from Noam Chomsky. The old philosopher expounded his viewpoint in an interview at this site. Hope you all read it, and please leave your comments on what you think about this conflict.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

On Village Communes

Let's skip ahead to the future a little bit - after the Sporkist Revolution takes place and mankind is liberated from itself, how do we establish order?

Total anarchy and chaos may be desirable and romantic in the tiniest sense, yet that's no way for the human race to go out elegantly. Given that we end mankind's role as the ultimate virus, 'pulling out the plug' as so to speak, where do we go from there? How do we exit gracefully, in an orderly and peaceful manner?

In the 1969 film Easy Rider, the heroes of the movie come across a Hippie village commune, where most of the people have divorced themselves from the city life and have started over, growing their own food, starting families and so on, entirely self-sufficient. Is such a method sustainable? After the Spork Revolution comes, is that the system we are looking at?

Or are there alternatives?